Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

I’m really not sure why people HATE this movie so much.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ballistic_ecks_vs_sever/

I get it, it’s stupid and bland.  But there are a lot of really, really bad movies out there.  Like, really, really bad.  It’s hard not to look for a conspiracy that probably isn’t there with the reviews because everyone is literally frothing at the mouth to spew their rage.

Here’s my review.  This movie was made by people who don’t normally make movies.  The actors didn’t realize this at the beginning and signed on for a normal action movie attempt at a blockbuster.  The director, the art department, the music coordinator are all used to doing other things but were brought together by some weird confluence of events to make a movie.  And there was some voice saying to them: “Let’s make it like a comic-book movie but without powers and we’ll shoot it like a music video.”  And everyone just went along with it.  The bulk of the effort was sensory not cerebral.  What music would sound cool so the audience knows what to feel?  What would the best explosions look like?  What would cool scenes look like in a movie like this?  Re-watch it and tell me Ecks leaving the bar wasn’t reminiscent of Sin City or Max Payne?  Re-watch it and see how a nonprofessional (i.e. you or me) would find it very appealing to try and set up these moments in their first movie: gun fight in a mall, motorcycle races, the prison bus escape, the cute little girl and Ecks scene, the reunion at the aquarium, the industrial hideout, the train station showdown, a rooftop kung fu battle, Ecks premonitions, etc. etc.  What happened is they sounded so good that someone had to patch all these moments together with little concern for the audience.

And people hated it.

For me this was a rental back in the day and I immediately tried to find the previous movies in the series.  I figured I’d been dropped midway through some trilogy or that it was based off a graphic novel series or not-so-famous comic book characters.  Yeah, it was kind of stupid and disappointing but I didn’t immediately piss gasoline all over my tv and burn the house down.

I bet there are plenty of people picking it apart more methodically but I won’t do that because Mrs. Peterson’s 7th grad English class has suffered enough after Wych Kaosayananda took their writing assignments and made a horrible movie out of them.

Ass…

–Kryptosfan

p.s. Has Gregg Henry ever been a good guy?

p.p.s.  FBI covert paramilitary international task force in Vancouver?

p.p.p.s.  “Kaos” apparently went into hiding for 10 years after this movie before attempting another one?