The Nasty Rabbit Spies A Go Go (1964)

2 Things:

1 – Arch Hall Jr. looks like a sadistic serial killer
2-  If Sharon Ryker is as young as she looks in this movie then he’s a child molester at the very least
2 1/2-  Jr. ended up as a pilot, someone should track cold cases and unsolveds against his employment details.
3-  Michael Terr financed and led this abomination, and wasn’t kidnapped or drugged as I initially suspected.
4-  Arch Hall Sr. is as bad an actor as he is a writer, apparently a terrible father as well and should have left Jr. alone.
5-  If you didn’t question this numbered list then may I introduce you to your new favorite movie?

Mischa is the world’s number 1 spy whose cover story is that he’s a “Laughing Moose O’Brien”: a cowboy from Montana, OK whose father was Irish and mother was a full-blooded Indian chief.  He’s transporting a rabbit wearing a timebomb collar full of biological warfare or “fornacious bacteria” that needs to be at the US continental divide when it explodes.  Did we mention that he’s fat, ugly, stupid and barely speaks English?  The number of WTF moments in this movie will be too numerous to count but I tried to keep track of a few.  The rabbit talks.  The dog and pony show is also stupid.  There are a number of offensive stereotypes inexplicably stalking Mischa that include a monocled ex-Nazi German Rock’n’Roll fan, a French prostitute (Liz Renay), an Australian midget Italian calf-roper who is actually Israeli, a super-creepy looking Country and Western musician spy, a barely legal or preteen cowgirl daughter, a WWII Japanese assassin, a surveillance Mexican, a meat-gobbling Russian marshall, a very early Richard Kiel (almost unmistakable), a stoic cowboy father, and a hillbilly chef.

Putting aside the point that this is a spy sodomy of a Western, this is a terrible movie for so many other reasons.  The script alone is horrifying.  The music and sound effects almost prompted the invention of a new word for terrible ridiculousness.  The actors are uniformly B actors.  The film quality itself is poor at points.  X and Y are actually incredibly useless spies and the counterespionage characters are insane, literally insane.  At random intervals they will start screaming or attacking each other and innocent bystanders.  The nadir of character development would be the final bat-shit crazy chase up the hill.  It’s at this point that you question why you accepted their earlier psychotic actions when they are screaming and driving in circles chasing an overweight man walking uphill.  He takes a nap at one point, seriously, a nap.  At one point there were baby cries overlaying the insanity.  Baby cries.  Baby crying noises as an anachronistic Japanese spy and Israeli midget spin brodies for no apparent reason.  Forget that Mischa is reunited with his father, I mean, his superior officer in the FBI’s car which turns into a getaway car.  Forget that Britt Hunter abducts Jackie.  At the end of this movie, the masked offenders receive an official thank you from the US government.

Still not as bad as Double Agent 73 or Fanfare for a Death Scene but this is bottom of the barrel stuff.  Please go watch it and come back with your favorite WTF moments of the foreign counterespionage agents.

Kryptosfan

p.s.  The best epitaph for this movie is the history of its stars.

Mischa Terr – never acted again

Arch Hall Jr – quit acting after his next movie to become an airplane pilot

Liz Renay – Raised by fanatically religious parents, she ran away from home to win a Marilyn Monroe lookalike contest, and become a showgirl during World War II. She eventually became a “moll” to Los Angeles gangster Mickey Cohen, and when he was arrested she refused to co-operate with the authorities and was sentenced to three years in Terminal Island prison, where she wrote her autobiography. On release she became a stripper and self-publicist, performing the first mother-and-daughter strip and the first grandmother to streak down Hollywood Boulevard.

Arch Hall Sr – 2-3 more movies and he was done forever as an actor/writer/producer

Hal Bizzy – quit acting after his next movie with the Arch Hall family (only acted in 2 movies)

Jack Little – quit acting after his next movie with the Arch Hall family (only acted in 2 movies)

Ray Vegas – did 2 more movies then had a 24 year hiatus before one final movie

John Akana – this was his only movie

Sharon Ryker – this was her only movie, sadly

George J. Morgan – never credited in a movie, not even this one

The minor characters: Hal Bokar, Richard Kiel, Laszlo Kovacs were the only ones to have successful careers.

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