Agent Cody Banks (2003)

Brought to you in part by Kleenex and Johnson and Johnson’s.

I kept waiting to see another logo:

Brazzers-logo

This movie is a throwback to the 1980’s pubescent comedies like Porky’s.  Once you realize that then you can stop being shocked by the sexual innuendos crammed into a story about a 15 year old high school student.  Frankie Muniz would have been played better by a young Chevy Chase or Steve Martin.  This is Frankie Muniz acting:

No matter what you think when you watch it or what I have to say about it, keep in mind that this movie was a commercial success.

Sometimes movies are stories, sometimes they’re dreams, sometimes they are fantasies.  This movie is a fantasy.  It’s the fantasy of a 15 year old boy with no game who dreams of a series of fantasies: hot woman comes into the locker room for him, he fights/wrestles this hot woman and they’re like – all over each other, he’s sent to a school where the girls where prep school skirts, he goes to a girl’s birthday party and totally owns the bullies, his friend gets kidnapped and he has to save her for which she is of course grateful, etc. etc. etc.

It’s basically a Cyrano de Bergerac mixed with a bit of Aladdin with the CIA playing deus ex machina.  A stripped-down CIA which is basically an entrance and one big room, but technically the CIA because they use the name.  All the CIA exists for in this movie is to remove roadblocks and distractions between Agent Banks and not-yet-legal Hilary Duff.  Lizzie McGuire probably figured out they were using her as boy bait at some point after the premiere, maybe after receiving the check written out to “Convenient Boobs”.  Her part isn’t as bad as Angie Harmon though.  Harmon covers both T and A in this movie and part of her was hopefully a little conflicted on her role in this kind of kid’s movie.  Disagree?  Explain the tits entering the boy’s locker room, the wrestle-fight where she’s on top of him, his dad’s dropped jaw, her in the nurse costume, or the space sexsuit towards the end.  It’s weird to see her play the fetish role and then see how they try to transition Duff into her place by having Angie “look at my boobs” Harmon try to fix Cody’s hair in a “look, she’s a maternal figure now!” gesture.  Everything is fair game in Agent Cody Banks however because, after all that work, we’re still left with what are now apparently incestuous innuendos.  Cody is a spy on par with G-Force and it’s interesting that the concept could be sold to the audience that a kid could become a CIA agent after going to summer camp.  He’s actually a really terrible covert agent and blows cover about every time he opens his stupid whore mouth.

Agent Cody Banks
alternate possible titles: Spy Boners, (C)ooties (I)n (A)ction, See Hilary Duff Not Act, Angie Harmon’s Boobs, Worst Spy Ever part 1

It’s a terrible movie but it’s like a horrible traffic accident, it’s hard to look away.

Kryptosfan

p.s.  if you felt like this was too subtle and left you wanting more – try Double Agent 73

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