Mata Hari (1985)

Extremely NSFW Trailer:

I expected a remake of the 1931 Mata Hari movie and wondered why they would redo the Greta Garbo classic.

Because boobs.

No one wants to review this movie because no one wants to admit they watched it.  Seriously, don’t watch it.  It’s a terrible spy movie and is basically erotica, 1980’s erotica, that will be extremely embarrassing to be caught watching.  Sylvia Kristel’s breasts are bare for about 50% of the movie and are covered for the rest in costumes that the costume department were “sure” to be period-specific.  It was just painful to watch.  The story sucked and was just filler in between sex scenes.

Seriously, it’s a porno.  Not a soft-core porno either.  It’s one long, run-on sentence of a porno.  We get that Mata Hari was a stripper who then turned into a spy but seriously?  There were points where I would look away during an innocuous conversation and look back to find her getting pounded.   And that ultimately is the best review I could make of the movie: it’s an 80’s porno that took itself too seriously.

It’s really awful.

I’m not going to have a list of the worst movies by the time I get done.  I’m going to have a list of movies I’ll never admit to have watched.  Guess what?  This will be one of them.

Don’t see 1985’s Mata Hari because I didn’t!