Special Mission Lady Chaplain (1966)

What a forgettable movie!  Movies like this are why there’s nothing good on cable or satellite tv…

Some observations:

Even if he was on the level, a guy like Zoltan isn’t going to pay income taxes.  Not with corporate lawyering anyways.  Is Arabella a quick change artist, is the brunette her lover, is it weird that Zoltan started making out with said brunette?  Did Zoltan act like David Caruso with his sunglasses and look like Jesse Bradford (Bring It On)?  Malloy sucks.  He also likes to slap the shit out of Lady Arabella and threaten her.  While she on the other hand is a 1,000 times better as an agent than he is and miles out of his league.  At so many points in this movie, Malloy is clearly out of his league with Zoltan and Arabella.  For example, how and why did he suddenly get into scuba gear and into the ocean when Arabella is pinned down on the beach by machine gun fire.  Um, hello?  Polaris SLBM’s?  Zoltan?  Nevermind that!  Into the ocean!  Speaking of oceans, I’m pretty sure no one has ever smoked a pipe in a tiny submarine (or bathyscaphe).  Also potentially hazardous to your health is firing RPG spear gun blasts into the room with the 16 nuclear missiles…

Alright, the titular character is clearly awesome but plays second fiddle to a Dick.  I think this was a mistake.  She was the one in disguises and on missions and kicking ass.  He just sort of blundered around and didn’t actually do anything useful until he noticed her.  IF, and it’s a big if, IF they had actually made the movie about her it probably would have done well.  Instead we were given a boring attempt at fusing mediocre New York cop drama with an international spy story.  Zoltan is an American citizen therefore the FBI would have been on him while Lady Arabella is from Paris therefore French DCRI.  Instead we have a useless barely imitation Bond CIA agent with a former Bond lady.  Poor Daniela Bianchi…

Don’t watch it, it’s stupid and insipid!

Kryptosfan

p.s.  Zoltan!

 

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